bait.interesting..just not very.

kan with more time on her hands 

kan with time on her hands 

kan and the brat getting along. i quite like her after all :) 

and now years later, all i have to say for it is that everybody needs a little bit of drama in their lives.
you were mine,
he was hers
and she.. i think she was the drama in everybody's life

Breakfast

1 laban up
2 packets of chilly chips
2 milky bars

*big junk food smile*

i'm quite enjoying douglas adams after all. he makes fun of , pretty much everything. you know, americans, management trainees..

the information that they spew. it's all text book. text book rubbish. i know and i recognise it because i studied it. i never wanted to be like that. will i?


don't settle for less than what you want, he said.. what does he know?

the unlikeliness of the meeting appealed to me.too bad it didn't happen.

selective listening has become my most useful acquired skill.

for the unsocial, unfriendly person that i claim to be; i'm feeling rather starved for conversation.

your sensitiveness is a bore.

when evaluation of a subject comes down to a matter of opinion, i think mine could just as easily be the expert one.

to be honest, i find disco lights offensive. in very bad taste,really.

there's a whole indian ocean of difference between the way they think and the way i view, pretty much everything.

i feel like i've got a vile b complex pellet stuck in my chest. and i might well have one.

b complex is the vilest tasting substance ever. yuck

I make a terrible grown up.

i must make it a pont not to talk to people who irritate me.

i'm bored, i'm bored, i'm bored, helllllllppppppp!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

they say that well water and sea water must not mix.

if anyone gets my meaning :)

our mangys are classists,so classist. :)

four times in konkani, once in english;for me.

and i try hard not to like her
but i do
and it's not hard.
i do because you do
and even otherwise
i'm sure i would.

i suppose hot water coming out of the cold water tap could be described as, gloriously hot.

and she makes faces at me because i opt to sit out of a mind numbingly boring award giving ceremony, which gave awards to a few business men [that i don't know and couldn't care less about] because they have businesses that are doing well and are making pots of money.

kan ventures a reaction

.ugh

for you

good luck and god bless you

DOES ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO BLOCK PEOPLE?

wish you were here

I can look, act and dress la di da,
and I'd fit right in.


Shit.

i wanted to gag the person who was shouting
'once more' 'once more', with a spoon.

i feel like a road roller just went over me.

tinted glass

how to react to a man who, for example, feels the need to tell a tailor that to alter a 38 size skirt to a 36 size he needs to take two inches off either side.

men and women can't be friends. the sex part always gets in the way. :)
-when harry met sally

clenched fists
and i open my eyes and notice that they are
and i wonder why

i used to make fun of disco chicks.
guess who has to be the disco chick now? *gag*

talk about irony coming back to bite you in the butt.

she taught me unlikely things,like how to pee in a common toilet without touching the seat and that even people called joyce and ganga can make a happy couple.

she was beautiful.a gowda by birth.she knew what was required of her and she didn't deviate from plan.

she ignored all the advances boys made at her.even from the boy that she liked.

i heard that she's married now.probably to some coffee planter, and stuck on an estate somewhere in shimoga.

...to vatsalya gowda. i hope you're happy,wherever you are.

'sit properly',he said.'it doesn't look nice,especially for a girl'
'especially for a girl', i thought.

he reminded me of things i used to know. things like propriety and conservatism. a way to sit, a way to eat.no books at the table.wishing elders and nuns, pleases and thank yous.

...

my manager taught me to sit that way. the most comfortable way in the world.

and sometimes i think, serves me right.

 

mangalorean women are mad.

i could just as easily make fun of your GRANDMA panties :)

'do you want to see a picture of my special someone?'she said.she was all of sixteen. 'yes', i smiled and said,'i'd love to'. i was twenty two.

old school

she was a lovely girl and i loved her dearly.

i can be terribly detached sometimes.

if i'm not overly fond of you, and if you ask me if something looks nice, and i say yes.. i'm lying.

Kill the uncertainty before it kills you.

man is like the flower of the field.
the wind blows over it and it is gone.
it's place remembers it no more.
-Bible

how astute i can be.

...... because i believe in god and i believe in me

don't settle for anything less than what you want, he said.what does he know?

a special meal for the child that's going away.her favourite food.mothers can be that way. :)

the rain will surely come

[courtesy-asya's blog]

selfish alien

to big hearts and nice people.
cheers!

i'm glad i stayed at home today.there's nothing like family.friends, i wouldn't say less than equally important, just differently important.

[this does not apply to the friends who are family]

sometimes i come across people with tiny houses, but hearts, as big as the world.

i could not eat and therefore i didn't.

summer holiday

a time in between.
i leave late. 'see you in the morning', i say.i'm done with the night.i get up early. my tooth brush is missing. it's been missing for about a year and a half now. so i make my way home to my own bathroom and my own tooth brush. the sunlight doesn't hurt my eyes as much these days.today i will not walk.i take a rickshaw the point three kilometer to my house.today the job of making rice has been delagated to the only available target. me.:) so i cook.
i've done in the past few days everything that you can possibly do. coffee, dancing, movies,board games,painted easter eggs,body massage,dinner and today i'm going swimming.apart from that i'm clean out of things to do.
we tire of each other my best friend and i, and by mutual unsaid consent we deviate from every waking moment with each other to spending time on our own,or with other people.we could invite others along to break the sameness of faces. but the only other that i approve of as entertaining enough, is smitten with the best friend,and therfore he looses the prominent position of entertainer.i guess you keep some and you let some go.i was sad to let this one go. i rather liked him.
i will be gone soon. but i will be back. sooner or later.

will i? won't i?

they say that you'll know, when you know.

The Road Not Taken
-Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost

it suprises me that the thought of being tied down never seemed as constraining then as it does now.

yes..i have been on guilt trips, but then that's between god and me.

unbearable, my eyes squeeze shut in reaction to the sudden saltiness. but how can i resist; whole mango pickle, straight from mangalore.

everybody needs a little bit of drama in their lives.

i'm a shooting star.

today i cried for a stranger.i cried for the loss of a baby. a baby girl.

of new non friends and easter eggs.of toast that's burnt and irksome things,like butter missing from the dish.a friend upset,a girl to wed, a disapprovig nod. she knows her mind,or so she says;don't interfere,i try. a cranky mom,a cranky me.my world has borne my wrath;and it survived and so did i.

belted pani puri. that's what i did today.in addition to kissing plastic feet and getting slowly baking in the sun.
good friday. that was my good friday.
my parents have improved over the years. before we had to eat kanji and pickle. now we have fish.and we have hot cross buns :) .my parents have never insisted that we fast, although they did make us go for way of the cross.lately they've decided that we're old enough to know our own minds and do what we want with regard to our religion.
jesus died today. two thousand and five minus thirty two years ago. so we wear sober colours and go to church and grumble about the heat. it's amazing the number of people who turn up to grumble about the heat.after that we have communion and kiss the feet of a figure on a cross. then go home and break the fast [which i don't keep] with hot cross buns or other things.
tomorrow i paint easter eggs :) and on sunday we eat easter eggs.
to easter![everybody] to easter

not taken aback

dancing to music you don't like can't be fun, drinking a drink you thought you liked, but realised you don't even less.a place so crowded with people pushing you this way and that while you try to balance in your high heels, quite a task.although that didn't stop me from doing any of the afore last night.[we need to give ourselves a little talking to with reference to making sure we do things we LIKE doing as opposed to things we don't]
that aside. i got further insight as to how a certain group of boys evaluate girls,and by girls i mean future wives. we were out with some friends, some of them guys [not the type that i'd consider spending quality hanging out time with]. one of these is due to be engaged in few weeks.the congratulations that were in order were duely given. then from a person who has not been conditioned to the concept of 'arranged marriage' from early childhood, the questions came, as they surely would have. me-'so why did you choose her?' he-'she was better looking than the others' me-*that's it?, incredulous look* he-*pause* 'she speaks well too' there were more questions of less consequence and then the curiosity subsided. i later heard that the real reason he was marrying the girl, was because she didn't like going out. alright then, so what does that imply he was asked. it meant that she had 'good character' he said. so what did that mean? that the rest of us who did go out [even if occasionally] did not? there are exceptions apparently.
people and their mindsets come in all shapes and sizes. i've always known that.

11032005
he flexes his arm involuntarily as he shows her the tattoo on his arm. something in his subconscious tells him to show off;for the girl

for those who need to know

and it appears that some clarification is needed.
when i talk about myself,more often than not, i refer to myself in the first person. eg: me,my,i could act as clues.and when i talk about something in general i use other useful pronouns.
hope this helps.
k

inside of your head, you know that it makes perfect sense to hate the person who broke your heart, then took it stepped on it,jumped up and down on it and squished it... but you don't. you just don't

summer dresses and skirts and things.wind blowing in my hair, it's night. the smell of rain in the air.and people ask me why the change.i smile and say,'it's summer'

all or nothing. i know that so well. and yet i cannot give you my all, so i will give you nothing.
goodbye, goodbye my friend.

I think the biggest thing that I realized in our "relationship" was that if you don't speak, people fill in the blanks.
-caloovy [not for blue moth :)]

clarification :
Just to let you know, I wasn't talking about my bestfriend (blue-moth) when I said that, I was actually thinking about a girl I went out with...And just to clarify (it seems to need clarification), that quote was about how people can interpret silence any number of ways.Sometimes people can make someone else's silence seem hostile, shy, confusing, romantic, understanding, etc.If you don't speak, you have no control over anyone’s impression of you.
-caloovy

girls are such contrary things. if a guy comes on to them they think 'fucker, he's only interested in my body'. andif a guy doesn't come on to them they think, 'fucker, what's wrong with him. doesn't he think i'm sexy?' :)i think girls doen't even get themselves sometimes.
[extract from marl's mind]

bombay-part 4

this one's for you de.vile :)

bombay- finally :)
we reached .. but we didn't sleep. our stay mostly consisted of going out dancing and going out dancing again. we danced and danced until my feet hurt so bad i couldn't dance anymore.my kinky chinky friend sema can dance till morning [if we allowed her that is]. marlene a few hours less. we went out dancing until marlene got sick. we wouldn't go out and leave her alone. so we stayed at home and played scrabble or coloured. we still did the usual. carter road and hill road and linking road and causeway. lunch at leopold square and gaylord cafe.dinner at crepe station and coffee at mocha and coffee day.
and a good thing it was that we stopped going out as much. because security where we were staying decided to get their knickers in a twist about who and what we were doing there. questioning and questioning. i suppose the short skirts and late nights must have set the colony gossipping.
[note: in our little world there is no none of your business and doesn't concern you. everybody's business is everyone elses. keeps our world in check i suppose]
marlene was miserable. traces of typhoid [or something like that] we later found out. so we left bombay one day earlier than planned. we didn't go to goa as i had originally planned.we're back. marlene still sick. me.. i'm not sick.
there's more. but i won't write it because this story grows tedious and i was never any good at endings i wish i was.

bombay-part 3 [the train]

so the train eventually does arrive. we make certain that it's the right train. the coimbatore express.also fondly called the kurla express, although there's no mention of this anywhere as far as i can see.and so the journey begins.

on the train....an extract from the blue book.

from 15/02/05
the only thing i like doing on the train is sitting by the door and reading. it's hot,still so hot...and it's dark already. we're still in andhra.

this must be the twenty third time i've stopped myself from grumbling and whining about the heat. it's pointless and i'm NEVER going to live in andhra.

...there's this little[muslim- i imagine, from the clothes and the fact that she speaks urdu] girl that's attatched herself to marlene. i've figured out a way to make her disappear. when she starts jabbering in my general vicinity,i ask her to sing. voila- she disappears :)

...she refuses to leave marlene alone...but she did for about two minutes. BIG MISTAKE...guess who's sitting where she was now *raises eyebrows twice with wicked grin* HA...:). marlene can thank me later.

and now to cut the the long journey short. we left about an hour and a half late and reached less than twentyfour hours later.

commendation to the two young men who were our compartment companions. they didn't stare. they didn't even look, they quietly read or did whatever it is they were doing.nothing untoward. which is more than i can say for all the other men on our left and right .*curses at them* [for the guys staring at marl] .me i smile [at myself and her] .it's the way of the train, so i've learned.

bombay-part 2 [the station]

so we're at the station all on our own.
kan-ha good thing we came here and didn't go to city. see how crowded it isn't?
kan/marl- general collective observation- what's everyone doing on the other platform *exchange of confused looks, shrug.. whatever*
from the other platform, two minutes before the train is due- hey the train's coming to this platform. repairs on those track.
kan/marl- [sound of train horn in the back ground] SHITT! both jump onto track and run across suitcases, kermit slippers and all. helpful others help with bag containing big green kermit slippers [gift for good friend sema]
make it across track. check selves and each other. all intact.relapse into we're cool looks. we wern't even phased looks.
the train comes- guess which train it's NOT??
..some other train. NOT going to bombay.

bombay-part 1[leaving home]

leaving bangalore- the setting- hyperventillating parents [both marlene's and mine]
my house- HURRRRYYY UP!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE??!! [ and other assorted hyperventillating sounds]
me- enjoying my bath. i do like my water hot :).. not nearly packed.
marlene's house- WHERE IS YOUR FRIEND??!!! TELL HER TO HURRRY UP!! no no don't wear that?! you'll attract too much attention. no .. don't wear that either, just two girls travelling alone on the train absolutely not. ok,you can wear that [loose tracks and a tee shirt].. WHERE'S YOUR FRIEND??!!

so we leave finally [my father sweetly throwing required things into my suitcase and finishing my packin :)(love you dadda)]
marlene's mom comes to pick my up to take us to cantonnment.
we reached early.
guess how late the train was? 1 1/2 hrs *rolls eyes up*

observation-parents think HYPERventillate is a cool word.

i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
-casting crowns-[who am i]

... when we were little we couldn't wait to grow up and fall in love...now,we realise that broken knees are easier to heal than broken hearts!




[from sema for supernova]

it's been a while since i let the wind run through my hair....
..see you when i see you

put[er] off[er] - part 2

kaplooie!

put[ter]-off[er] - part 1

boys with high pitched girly laughs

..the excitement is starting to set in..*slight anticipating smile*:)

it's lovely to know the world can't intefere with the inside of your head
-angela's ashes
[frank mccourt]

a smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes
a table full of people
i want to leave

this time there's no justification
it's me, not them


i should have gone out dancing tonight
i didn't.....damn

a boy apologised to me today.. he said he was sorry he couldn't be entertaining all the time.. funny guy :) *hug* for him

i realise now, years later why you reacted the way you did... you were just trying to protect me....... i'm sorry... and thank you

sometimes i feel so BABY.and i stop and think. 'but i'm not'.. and i try hard not to be.. but i guess there's still a little bit of baby inside of me. yesterday i went and bought a pictionary game because i felt like it.i forced marlene to play and she forced her baby brothers chris [18] and ted [20] to play with us.. because we need four people at least.we stuffed our faces with pizza and ate twisty bread because lent starts today. no meat in their house. my house of course doesn't abstain or anything[except on good friday] because my father i think doesn't believe in the motions of the catholic church [although he is catholic]... my mom however does.. so we might be on a fish and/or vegetable diet for a month [yetch!]

ashes to ashes, dust to dust

focus..defocus ..focus.. focus! i'm in church and i'm listening to what the priest has to say.. and this time i even prayed.these days i go to church because i want to.
i went to church today and i made sure that the ash on my forehead stayed so that i could show my mom. it makes her happy or something when i go to church.she gave up insisting that i go a long time ago.i found out the significance of ash wednesday today. it serves to remind us that we will not live forever. to stop and repent for our sins.from ashes you came and unto ashes you will return.

everybody's in love... how annoying *sour puss glare*

if anybody on the train asks you if you have a boyfriend, the correct answer is yes.... irrespective

i felt so stupidly uncultured on the train.language is a part of our culture. i proudly tell firangs that the average indian [south indians for sure] can speak at least three languages..i can't *lowers head*.. i heard an old guy tell a boy who was staring at me 'angrezi ladkio badi mushkhil hai'.. i don't even know if i got that right.. and i felt bad[rather sorry for myself actually]..he said this because i spent a lot of time reading instead of being social..and i wasn't reading premchand

three blogs:
www.notesinmypocket.blogspot.com
www.pispeak.blogspot.com
www.caloovy.blogspot.com

i left a house that was empty of people... i came back and it's full again[a few additions in fact] *big smile*.. it's good to be home...