today

... Had lunch with Sidharth ...so funny, the type I'd never get along with I'd like so much :).We then proceeded to have coffee and walked around Forum.He likes expensive things, or so he seemed to imply[from making statements like I need a watch, I think I'll pick up Cartier or casually mentioning in the course of conversation the quality of massages at the Bangalore Club which were mediocre by the way and that the Taj sould be alright. How pompous. Everybpdy knows 5* hotels charge a hundred times more than anywhere else. He pointed out to me that I over analyse things.I'll conceed that I do. A little bit. So, he dropped me home after coffee, cursing traffic all the way and me calling him a cranky puss [ because he is one]. He dropped me at Marlene's house where I forced him to give me a hug because I'll probably never see him again. Today was fun.. :)


..At marlene's house.... Satish made me cry, because he's rude and insulting. I know he doesn't mean to hurt and he feels bad later, so although I do like Satish, somewhat, I think I'm better off staying far, far away . If that's how it is.. then thats how it is.

...Hhome after the wedding, I noticed:
That it upsets my father to see a marriage break.
My mother can be hilarious and has a gutter brain. Go mamma ! * gutter brain smile*
People can be insensitive without even realising it.
Laughter is good for the soul :)

out of my head, on to the blog :) ignore it.. i just had to write it

hmm ... what would be the best way to describe this:
if you could possibly look down your nose at something, you would..
so when you do eventually fall off your pedestal, your ass is going to hurt real bad :)

... *sigh* if only you were a little more honest and a little less fartsy

...*smile* .. i don't pay much attention to group emails... and very rarely respond to them

talking to myself

.... ok, now i turned off dreamcatcher.. because it's dark and the lights are off and laura's sleeping in the other room... and ok so i got scared....
..but i don't believe that i'm going to be scared living on my own.. without a house full of people to run to if i really do get scared... *pout*... maybe i should just stay here and not carry on with my life

things to remember to do:
get over it *sigh*

oh god.. i just don't like the taste of alcohol.. screw the genetic pre-disposition...
.... that satement resulted from a sneaky attempt to down some of j-man's christmas present from kamal [raw mind you]..it's a miniature bottle of white rum.... terrible i tell you! terrible! yuk.. cough.... j-man you can have it all..
i think i'll stick to baileys and liquor chocolate *charming smile* ahem... :)

this would have made sense a long time ago.. but you know how it goes... better late than ? never *big smile*.. [i think it's rather funny now] sadly:( it's lacking in vehemence this time round.... but whatever....


F.O.D.

Something's on my mind
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you
So where's the other face?
The face I heard before
Your head trip's boring me

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've had this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say

Stuck down in a rut of dislogic and smut
A side of you well hid
When it's all said and done
it's real and it's been fun
But was it all REAL fun

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've felt this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say

to say...

You're just... a fuck,
I can't explain it 'cause
I think you suck.
I'm take-
-in pride
in telling you to fuck off and die.

I've had this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say
I'm taking pleasure in the doubts
I've passed to you
So listen up as you bite thisssss...

You're just... a fuck,
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck
.I'm take-
-in pride
in telling you to fuck off and die.

Goood niiiiiiiiight....

love

frying dosas at a quarter to twelve in the night because your daughter's hungry and your wife's asleep.... your daughter will remember..... and the dosas were great :)

some intriguing phrases i heard today :)

- coming right
- stop it
- it's been long since i saw her

.. wish i could have heard some more

i'm very very sad.

just one big stupid ouch

..heartbreak doesn't always have to be about a boy

..today is heartbreak day ......

....yet what you have is right now...
..and right now is exactly as it should be!
-marlene's book :)

things i must make it a point not to do when i have my own place:
-burn the house down
-get robbed
-spoil the milk

q] what do i want ?


a] to crawl under a rug and come out only when winter is over

got a new book today *big smile*[which i can ill afford ...but then everything i buy i can ill afford, so it really doesn't matter ,hehe seem to be spending my christmas gift money on me instead of everyone else :)].. now back to the book. it's called the bookseller of kabul [yes i know kabul is in afghanistan and there is no such pass :D] .. i have no idea who wrote it or what it's about... just the way i like it.[ will find out soon enough anyway] right now it's with m, the reason being he can pretty much have whatever he wants and he wanted to read it so.... lets finish the age of reason before i start something else
k

me

i don't have to compartmentalise and sort things out in my head..

just be ..

k

j-man got me a precious and a nail cutter type chain to carry it.. COOL! =D

i robbed this from sombody's blog =D-kan


as you race by me,
remember its easier,
to stab from the back.
-anushya

'they did not believe death was accidental-life might be, but death was deliberate'
-toni morrison-sula

kancommendation or lack thereof

java city lavell road- quite horrid...the same goes for coffee day there and all the baristas... considering my antipathy towards these places the coffee day mosque road is surprisingly bearable.... my all time favourite however is infinitea- cunningham road nice food too :) and of course brew bakers which had the audacity to shift somewhere and i don't know where :( and coffee house is always peaceful[nevermind the arty pseudo/really intellectual crowd]...another nice food place that i would recommend, popsies - koramangla

winter and i seem to be having a difference of opinion

'an undeniable urge to tell the truth' ..*confused face*.. did i not learn otherwise?
k

ten minutes of uninterrupted reading *smile*

..it's funny how M promptly threatens to break any boys' legs if they seem inclined to show the slighest interest in me[romantically]...and sometimes even if i presume to believe they don't.... :) it's nice to have a protective elder non brother around, considering i don't have a brother to be protective of me..although i do have a couple of elder sisters one of whom can be mean assed if required :D and i suppose they'd do just as well as an elder brother..although i'm sure they wouldn't go around threatening to break legs lol
k

stoopid stoopid stoooooopid
...everyone's allowed their share of stupidness....i used mine up today...gave me a head ache too..blaarr bluh..
k

Railway line bandra station.. arleen,belly and me

3 men in a boat sam,ala,kan -arabian sea, near gateway of india

Staircase shaniwar mahal, pune

you and me 

kan & Sam 

looking back in a 4 seater [point to be noted] auto rickshaw which shuttles up and down this stretch of road.. so you have random people unexpectedly jumping in and out of the back :) one of them reluctantly took our picture before jumping out

face up ala,sam,kan

bat in the cave 

on de bike neil,kan,sam

besoun di mamma
devache besoun ani odle zai
:P

there is comfort in prayer :)
k

i know you're going to read this so, GIVE ME THE BLUE EARRINGS :D... you know they match with my nose ring and the other earring..i'll give you the purple :P...nice purple..very pretty :)
k

kan on clothes

..a mini skirt..with a slit that too!?..what did happen to my sense of propriety? :)..anyway there's a snowball's chance in hell that i'd wear it this winter..like i'm not grumbling enough about the cold, with two sweaters,long pants and socks

north indians.... *puts head down,purses lips,shakes head*

kan on herself -GREEDY

share..no...share...no...share..no...ok

everybody needs a little bit of drama in their life :)

Superficial world

..i miss my dog

..hold on to you and never let you go

.. I remember, I remember you :)

i never gave you anything, you just came and took it..and because i loved you, i let you

you know what they say about survivors...what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

.. misplaced trust, deal with it

...how could you?

it feels strange to come home to a house with no dog and no people.....

make over

make over?...how unimpressed..
i like me exactly the way i am...the make over *roll eyes up* i think makes me look like those disco chicks i look my nose down at and make fun off..

25112004
worrying thoughts :( .. cannot be thought out aloud... potential crazy lady :)

pune 24112004

traffic jam!
cannot find the place
found the place
cannot find neela
no neela = no room
no room = no toilet
need to pee Really BAD
found toilet =D
found neela
found room
->snake park [closed on wednesdays] GUESS WHAT TODAY IS??
lunch
osho ashram - chandra- premanda <- freaky osho lady *inside kan's head* 'sex drugs sex drugs sex drugs :)
osho chappals! *roll eyes upwards* can start osho chappal shop in bangalore
hitch hike
book shop
BABES.. [how tedious]
got lost going back to guruwarpeth...some ..or rather one of the party hyperventillated and had a minor heart attack :)
nice auto guy took us home safely
..prayed

other observations on the bus ride

...first distraction: mahesh bhatt movie- murder - full drama

other thoughts:
..the journey never ends, it grows tedious

..the man behind me smells..i think

bombay - the journey

20112004
..an 1130 stop for lunch [i presume] at the same place we stopped at when we went to goa.
i roll up my pants and brave an unlatched toilet [which was clean by the way]
....my only wish...toilet paper :)

k

the weather has changed

the weather has changed
and so have i
the weather has changed
and so has my mind

..a world without men, i for one would not survive it cheerfully..



a return ticket on a night train from bombay...no father available on that particular date to pick up a daughter from the train station in the night....
i'd rather take a bus

k

if people are bulliable, is it alright to bully them? :)...[3 second contemplation]...i think so *evil smile*

traffic lights... the bane of my existence

oh how i hate prioritising ..

You gave explanations when none were asked for. In retrospect I believe you must have been hiding something and a guilty conscience is a difficult thing to live with.
k

everybody has their own little world, mine is just more lived in.

what you don't know can hurt you...be careful ....i'll accept that, i will be

note to who

thought coincides but occasionally and when it does it would be wise to hold on and never let go.....always the fool...always the fool....

the sisters 

egghead [the roce]

Fatty and the Smokers

[A GUEST APPEARANCE ON THE BLOG- SID]

Ok. So I saw this documentary last week called 'Super Size Me' which is about fast food and the obesity epidemic in America. The documentarian spent a month existing on only a McDonald's diet and documents the social, physiological and amorous effects (vegan girlfriend freaked out) while showing McDonald's using every trick in the book to keep adults and children hooked onto its products. But the most interesting part of the movie for me is the documentarian describing a lunch he had with a few other people at a restaurant. One of the people at the table was lecturing the other, who was a smoker, on the evils of smoking and how he should quit right away. There was also an obese woman at the table who had a lot on her plate, quite literally. The documentarian basically said, "Obesity is the number two cause of unnatural death in the US now after smoking and is projected to overtake smoking as the number one cause in ten years. However, it's interesting that it is now socially acceptable to heckle a smoker in public even when they are not smoking, but not an obese person. At what point will it be socially acceptable to tell an obese person to stop eating so much and stop ravaging their bodies with heart and bone problems and burdening the healthcare system? When is it going to be socially acceptable to tell fatty to stop ordering that second portion of dessert?” I guess part of the argument for not doing so is that everyone needs to eat but they don't need to smoke. But c'mon girl..Have you seen some Americans lately? They're signing up to be stunt doubles for Free Willy. They so fat that by the time they roll over it's their b'day again. Kids in school so fat these days, they literally sit next to everyone in class. Case in point: the other day I was having lunch at a relatively upscale restaurant with a friend and the waitress, who didn't know either of us, started lecturing my friend on the evils of smoking when she found out he was a smoker. I'm just waiting for a fat person to heckle a smoker friend of mine when I'm around. Boy, is he or she going to get it.

word.
-Sid

baby sid 

the coffee boy

i went ot church last evening..what a thwarted attempt that was. i've finally decided that starting last sunday i've honed my my tolerance level well enough to stay awake during mass and listen to what the priest has to say. so prepared, i entered the right wing only to find the speakers words ricocheteing off the walls on my side of the church which only called for garbled sounds...
so anyway later everyone decided to go to a pub called zap..and i decided not to. i decided instead that i was going to have coffee and if gareth wanted to come along, he could :)...he didn't want to go anyplace in particular so he invited me home and offered to make coffee for me..how darling *roll eyes upward*
so we go to his place..i sit down, and he goes 'mom how do you make coffee?'
we ended up going to buy coffee powder, had a nice enough walk with sufficient conversation, I made coffee :D [which was very good,if i say so myself]and had myself a lazy sunday evening before going off home [before (his house)family prayers,whew]

kan

the wedding

it's over :)

the roce

broken eggs,coconut milk and coconut oil.

expressions speak louder than a thousand words

..yesterday Joanne got married. at the reception law and i volunteered to be the donkey slaves who collected and arranged the presents,and as such got a clear view of the guests.while we were up there a man came on stage to wish the couple.he was bald and wore glasses i think...he didn't say a word. he just looked at Prashanth with the most indescribable expression on his face.as if it was a mixture of love and loss and happiness and pride ...more perhaps, as if he knew just that little bit more about life.he shook his hand handed him something and moved on.it's difficult for me to describe the feeling

the man is prashanths uncle.he is bald because of chemotherapy. i have seen few displays of emotion so poignantly potrayed.my eyes well up on recollection..

k

the song writer

...and you you're nothing like the rest
your sensitiveness is a bore
i wish we coincided more
but what is not, just isn't



you live your life the way you choose
try so hard to make it work
build your castles in the air
you'll make it someday, meet you there

-kan

05112004

a sense of contentment came over me last night..maybe because i laughed so much at work and the day was alright, didn't leave me cranky and tired. of course as i'm falling asleep with something close to a smile on my face, random memories unwittingly come; and my mind screams INDIGNATION, and i nearly cry. things past, things not forgotten..and today a brand new day :D with all my favourite music playing and a crackpot dog...and after today a break from work..good things ahead, like coffee and conversation...aaah

early last morning i had a nightmare....it was so..evil
i don't recall ever having a nightmare before.
'god be with me'

k

brandi boo gives the term CONSTANT ATTENTTION a whole new meaning!...i mean theres only so much ball throwing, stick throwing, chasing around the house..under the bed, 'look at me look at me! i've got a sock in my mouth now' that i can take....so i do the only thing that's left to do....'MAMMMAAA...!!' =D..i look at her and say..'HA now you've had it' * big evil smile*....like all beings living in this house, brandi pretty much does what mamma says....so some peace at last..for the time being at least......

ramona bitchface [my friend] the white chick..and friend :P 

new paint, old things..mixed smells :)..mixed emotions

brandy boo.

i think i'm going to have to be understanding...because YOUre certainly not going to be

..........although I know fully well the truth that broken relationships are never half as dramatic as they are in films or stories. You’ll remember the person sometime, and think, ‘yes, I loved her very much once’, but that will be it. And ironically, that is part of the reason why people are so scared to let go. It’s not because of the pain that comes from the severing of the relationship, but because of the fear that you will not be hurt, eventually.

Because you feel so passionately for someone, you daren’t imagine you can ever feel any less for them. But yet know fully well you can.
-sarong party girl



...so aptly put :)...at least as far as i'm concerned

grammar!...darn it! ...i noticed the bad grammar :D.....what, what will i do with me? :)

..ever have one of those days where you just feel pretty?...today is one of those days for me :) *pretty smile*...lol

it's a bad bad thing, when your stomache starts to look bigger than your boobs..he he :D
..just a general observation i'm making after lunch at mainland china..burp!

.....what makes you think you'll know yourself and what you want any better at 28 than you do now at 22??

i turned around and killed the uncertainty before it killed me

i know what i have to do..if i'm not experiencing the i'm so in love with you/can't live without you syndrome..then in all likelyhood, i'm not in love and can live without you....which is perfectly fine except for the fact that i don't seem to feel that way about anyone..and i wonder if i ever will....

inspiration isn't spewing....analysis and over analysis however seems to be the thought for the day...that and the fact that for some reason i'm having difficulty spelling.
a song writer and a boy in love. someone who noticed me forever [i know] and someone who went away....it's always a stupid rectangle lol
..and then theres me..who's comfortable with me...

baaga beach 

baaga house 

kan and the kids 

neil and kan 

mapuca market.... booze! hehe

primary colours

going home...i din wanna go home....

kan...outside baaga house Goa!

sam, kan and ala........mapuca bus station,Goa

take control of life

14/9/04
to start with - FINISH CLEANING ROOM *big overdue sigh*........i think that should do for starters.....i'm not a wah wah cry baby....i'm not a wah wah cry baby.....bwaaaaaaaahhh.....i think i'm a wah wah cry baby...*sniffle*

then:
the mediocrity and unacceptance is getting to me.
maybe i should learn to start being on my own again.....

now:
and then i realise that there are people who care enough to call all away from across the other end of the world.
so screw the mediocrity and unacceptance

love affair

ATTENTION!

-CLEAN THE ROOM! the mess is driving you crazy...aaaaaarrrrrrggggh
-sleep less, eat more
-work less,talk more[optional-no kamal and bellyup to talk to]
-pray more,sigh less
-practice being sneaky[optional]
-shop less,save more[so that i can buy my nikon n75..by next month at least][if anyone feels generous and feels like contributing- early christmas/birthday/just for the heck of it(cash) presents go right ahead ]:D hehe always the optimist.

i walked today. an unlikely event.not that i'm opposed to walking.i just dont walk much ..* huff puff* *pant pant*.. i contemplated taking an auto home..but i told myself 'be strong' i resisted temptation *pat on the back* and started to walk back *huff puff* *pant pant pant* it looked like fate had other ideas..and conveniently placed the offer of a ride in my path..mostly in the form of..whats his name??..joshua..yeah josuha. i declined 'so there fate' and precariously continued on my way home...about a hunded yards or so later, this car slows down and says jump in[the desouza mother if you're wondering who]. so i say to hell with walking and sit down. *relief..sigh*...we very nearly reach home when she decides that just then would be a fun time to eulogise on the merits of the catholic church... shoot me!...if only she knew i don't go to church....so like i will henceforth say...'every ride has it's price'
good luck and god bless all you riders :D out there
cheers
kan

brandi