I came
very very
very very
very very close.
But I didn't.
Cry.

:))
Robbed it off

What is unsaid.
Imagine.
There is nothing to tell.
I have nothing to hide.

Imagine That!

I DO believe there's a light in my eye.
:)
[Er, maybe light reflecting off my eye.]

You can't ask her to wait for you.
And I, dirty rascal, can't ask you to wait for me.

We're so lovely.
So lovely and matter of fact.

I tell my mom I'm black.
Just to mess with her.
:)

'A girl can get me to do anything,I'd probably do it' he says in startled realisation, his face proceeding to take on a pissed off look.
'Of course you would,' I smile at him gently, 'if the girl's nice,'.

What's the point?

I think I'm SO funny sometimes.
:)

.












I'm right here.
Exactly where I always was.

He touches my face.
My hair.

Urgent Requirement!

-Vitamins
-Recipe for beans

What are you cribbing about?
All some people have is three chords, and the truth.


[A taken from]

I make a nice waker upper

I either,
kick your foot,
flick you on the forehead
or run my fingers through your hair.
Depending.

How we fall.
Fall in love.
:)

Screwed up.
So screwed up.

Young girl...violins...center of her own attention.








:)

He teaches me how to fight.
And teases me about a boy.
He tells me that Melissa would kick my ass in a fight anyday and that he fell in love with her the day she punched a boy in the nose. The boy was asking for it.
I wonder if he'll understand the inevitable going away.


I won't be there to see him grow up. And a lovely person he'll grow up to be.

Do you know?
I don't smile anymore.

Babysatter

Yes. Me.
Yes. I survived.
Yes. The monsters ALSO survived.

And still.
I could be anyone.

I don't think that there's someone for everyone.
Although I'd very much like to believe that there is.

We hold on to things, don't we.
Things like places and time stamps.

Foul, foul, foul.

Working it out.

I'm sitting cross legged on the kitchen floor
Holding an onion in my hand
Refusing to move and feeling horrible
Screaming at myself to cook myself some food
Otherwise I'll starve today.

I wonder if this is what she meant when she said that she wanted me to grow up and be responsible.

Somemore Conversation

K: Em said that I would take to you.


A: Em told me to stay away from you..

Conversation

A:I'm not in such a good mood really..
I took my frustration out on a door..


K: It usually doesn't help to talk about it.
Yes, doors are better.


A: I'm better now..
L was behind the door..


K: Aw man!
The right side or the wrong side?


A: Depends..

Don't EVER make the mistake of asking a fifteen year old boy if he'd like to paint your toenails.
He just might say yes.

I actually knelt down and prayed for you.
Alright; maybe not the kneeling down part but everything else is true.

Daigoro

And into that gate they shall enter, and in that house they shall dwell, where there shall be no cloud nor sun, no darkness nor dazzling, but one equal light, no noise nor silence, but one equal music, no fears nor hope, but one equal possession, no foes nor friends, but one equal communion and identity, no ends nor beginings, but one equal eternity.
- John Donne

"Let me run my fingers through your hair".
If it was anyone else but him, I would have thought he was making a move on me.
"Ha", he said, running his fingers through his own, "My hair is better than yours!".

I turned it off.
I didn't know what else to do.

I used to ask her to hold my hand now and again.
I don't ask anymore.
Her hands are full.
Yes. Both of them.

The most beautiful pictures

Courtesy: George Thomas

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

-Jeff Buckley-Hallelujah

I want to move to a tiny island off the Agean Coast. I want to sit by the sea, and string together coloured beads and gold and silver bits to make jewelry to sell to the rich and famous that visit. I want to eat fish and prawns in garlic and olive oil, straight out of the flat earthenware dishes in which they are cooked. I want to spend my days on a boat, sailing from one island to the next. Getting bronzed by the sun, and strengthened by the sea.

I want to not have to think of bombs or blood. Terrorists or communal hatred. Nor do I want to read the morning papers, watch the evening news, see any more sadness, fear, hate or resignation.

I want the world to shut up for a while. Just shut up. And sit down.






[Friday, July 14, 2006]
Taken from:http://30andhappy.blogspot.com/

A husband?

I suppose I would like it if,
While we were having dinner,
If this really hot woman joined us at the table,
He would treat her like a normal human being,
Put this arm around me,
Kiss me on the side of my head,
And continue with our dinner.
I suppose.

I went swimming in the ocean.

Boy-You're EVIL !!!
Girl-Did I at any point,for even a second, do anything, to make you think otherwise?
Boy-No.



Boy-Can you teach me emotional blackmail?

Saying that the only thing girls can think about from the time that they're old enough to think,is getting married is exactly like saying
The only thing boys can think about from the time they're old enough to think,is getting laid.






[Except in the latter case, it's true]

Don't you know?

When you tell a girl that you love her
She also expects you to tell her EXACTLY what you mean by that
And a one page essay explaining.

Missed the bus.
ALL your fault.
I Love You- Saigon Kick
Dammit!

Girls ARE evil.

The wilder side.

Sit back, and relax.

Breathe in deeply, the scent of a vapid night, a clueless boy and shaving cream.

Shaving cream?!

Yeah, the boy is 12. Wants to be 40. Like dad. Y'know how it goes. He's too scared to use a razor, so he toothbrushes away his negative goatee. Never seen a finer shave, if I say so myself.

Aftershave. He loves it.

Read comics till eyes go droopy. Revel in the stories of heroes.

Just like dad.

Today, he turned the steering wheel at the corner, near the market where they sell juice in unmarked bottles that make his nose feel funny. Maybe tomorrow, dad'll let him push the gas pedal too. But that's tomorrow.

Today, he'll dream.


-Bison

I always said, 'I think' and 'I must have'.
Doesn't seem like I was ever very sure.

Picture

I'm not

She said that I was her cousin.
It was just easier.

Scary Shit.

Football in the park

They thought I was fourteen.
I didn't tell them otherwise.
And so we played.

I love pretending to be the conservative that I'm not.

Girls mess with boys minds.
All the time,all the time, ALL THE TIME.






[and some girls even do it on purpose]

The hardest thing I've had to learn

To be hard.

We picked out names for our daughters before we were even married.
Girls can be that way.

Not that I care. But enough to say...

Boiled Cabbage

46 degrees celsius
71 percent humidity

You know that I'll miss you even if I don't say so right?

As the words came out of my mouth I knew I couldn't live with her.
It had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me.
About me not thinking I have it in me to adjust to a new place.
Again.

Older and wiser. Slightly nicer.
I choose not to be.
Not yet.

Snapshots.
He said that they were like snapshots.






[He was talking about the way she wrote]

It came. Stopped for a moment. And went.
Just like me.

You sent me a Nina Simone song once in a message.
I deleted it, because just for that one evening it didn't mean anything.
None of them did.

When I go to sleep at night my fists aren't clenched anymore.
My teeth are.

I really, really want to crawl under a rug today.
It's been a while.

I understand now what he meant when he said he made a bad friend.
I am one too.

Yesterday I wrote funny.
I used words like 'redundant' and 'disinclined'.
For kicks.
:)

'I'm sorry my love wasn't enough for us,' he said.
And I thought of the song 'Sometimes love just ain't enough'.
My mind went, aaah in rather belated understanding and I nodded sagely.









:)[such an idiot I can be]

I promised myself I would always tell you exactly what I thought.
I'm going to change that always to;
Only sometimes and when I feel like it.

Restless.

Comparing notes

The very first year she spent away from home, she didn't go to Good Friday mass.
As it turns out,my first year away; neither did I.

Revisiting old graves.

Moving on.

For her

After that, he said, a part of him just dried up.
He couldn't write anymore.


He's started writing again.

On cooking; again

General consensus: The cabbage was a bit raw.
Cooks comments: That's EXACTLY the way God and I intended it.

Her very first Teddy Bear.
A pink one it was.
She was born a girl and we're making every effort to make sure she stays that way.

And take care of the sneaker the pirate has only one...

Disparity

I don't think it's, 'I ought to know.' I think it's, 'I ought to know better.'

More than words

'Will you remember this for me?' I asked him.
I did not know if he would understand.
I was messaging him in the night. Messages back and forth.

Unusual, that. For me.

She came into my room and she said to me, 'What is it to see with your eyes? What do you call it?'
'I don't know, I said. 'To look?'
'Sight,' she said.
'And to see with your heart?
.. Insight,' she continued without too much of a pause.
'Don't forget, always see with both your eyes and your heart.'


I did not know if he would understand that she was giving me something.

I know. I always knew.

I just secretly hoped, that's all.

If I don't take a personal interest in you, I won't take an interest in you at all, will I?

98

Cannot be completely into anything or anyone.
Wouldn't have it any other way.

Early this morning I felt

alone

In his wide awake voice he says, 'I'm still sleeping. I'll call you in a bit.'
'Sure,' I say. And carry on with my day.

Thank God for women.
Thank God that there are so many in this house.

The Birthday Month

All the important people that were; called.
Some messaged, some forgot.

[For January 2006]

The heavy hand of security closes slowly but surely round my neck.

'Do you think you would ever want to leave here?' I asked her.
'No' she replied.
'Me neither' I said.
He looked at her and said,'You'll go places though'
Inevitable, her face seemed to agree.
'But you'll always come home' he added, subconsciously pointing to himself.

I liked that.

The normalcy


everything

I'll miss it


maybe

Did you notice how when I hug you I refuse to let you go.

Promises.
Promises to self.

She hangs on his every word.
I think I don't have words for anyone to hang on.
Bugger again.

Train people

They indulge me.